


five times hella wasn’t sure (and one time that she was)

by galaxyowl



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:08:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22410769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxyowl/pseuds/galaxyowl
Summary: In the distance, the silhouette of Ordenna vanished into a point on the horizon, indistinguishable from a speck of sea foam. And then it was gone entirely.
Relationships: Adaire Ducarte/Hella Varal, Adelaide Tristé/Hella Varal
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7
Collections: Secret Samol 2019





	five times hella wasn’t sure (and one time that she was)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SeaFromNowhere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaFromNowhere/gifts).



1.

Hella leaned against the rail of the ship, looking out at the Ordennan port as it grew farther away by the second. The sound of the sails fluttering in the wind above her was familiar, but different somehow this time. Louder (it wasn’t, probably, but it _felt_ it), as if the wind itself knew that this was going to be a longer journey, and was sending them off.

She’d gone out on the water before, but this time they were headed all the way to the mainland. There were possibilities of mercenary work, of something different, of building strength for Ordenna. Not just fending off pirates.

So why wasn’t she excited?

It was just… strange, she decided. She knew the world continued on past the horizon, knew she had barely begun to touch the edges of the map, but until she’d made the decision to try it hadn’t _mattered_. Now—well, it still didn’t matter. She was sure of that. She would do whatever she needed to, and she would win glory for herself, and for Ordenna, and that would be everything. That would be perfect. There was no use worrying about it.

In the distance, the silhouette of Ordenna vanished into a point on the horizon, indistinguishable from a speck of sea foam. And then it was gone entirely.

She definitely didn’t care about that. She’d be back soon enough, after all.

2.

There was an instant, before she killed the Queen of Nacre, that she hesitated. Just a barest shred of a moment, but it was there—was this right? Would this help? Was it what Calhoun would have wanted? (Who was she to talk about what Calhoun—Angelo?—Calhoun would have wanted, anyway?) But no, no, she had no other options left. Fero was here. They were doing this.

Oh, hell, they were doing this.

Hella plunged her blade into Adelaide’s throat and it felt as easy as anything.

(That night she dreamt of the Queen’s laughter, and awoke not knowing what was vision and what was nightmare, or whether there was even a difference at this point.)

3.

“The name’s Adaire,” the woman said, looking Hella up and down.

“Hella Varal,” Hella said.

They shook hands. “Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah.” Adaire started to turn away. Hella said, “I’m sorry, I still don’t really understand why you’re here.” (Hadrian had made her a vague explanation earlier, but she still couldn’t quite make sense of the woman’s presence in their party.)

Adaire froze. “Uh,” she said, brows furrowed. “Well, because I have a map, for starters. If you _want_ to try to make it through the snow without that help, be my guest, but it seemed to me that this would be a mutually beneficial—“

“Okay,” Hella said. “Okay, sure, sorry.”

She studied Adaire’s face. Her expression was impassive. A single curl of brown hair had come undone from her bun.

“Any other questions?” Her voice was sharp.

“No,” Hella said. “I guess we’ll see how this goes.”

Adaire gave her a look. “I guess we will."

4.

Adelaide was on her boat again. Hella was trying to ignore her again. She untied the sails as she avoided looking at her. (She could just picture, though, the smirk that must be on her face. It was _infuriating_.)

“This is nice,” Adelaide said. “The sea breeze, and all that.”

Hella took a breath, grit her teeth, and kept working.

“Just the two of us,” Adelaide continued.

Hella turned, ready to snap at her, but found herself lost for words when greeted with the sight of Adelaide, watching her. Why was it that even looking at the Queen of Pearls was enough to catch her off-guard.

Adelaide smiled. “Or don’t you agree, Hella? Isn’t it a nice day out?”

“It is,” she said, slowly. She unfastened the last knot and let the sail unfurl. It fluttered in the wind, momentarily breaking the line of sight between her and Adelaide. She took the moment to turn away again. Tried to ignore the storm of confused feelings in her chest.

5.

It was the middle of the night, and they were running away.

Hella had thought that she’d more-or-less gotten used to the Rhizome by now, all its strange geometries beginning to feel like something approaching normalcy. But now, cast in the half-light of this fragile nighttime (one of the suns already starting to crest a nearby branch), it was once again alien to her.

The two of them were on foot, for now, working their way across the not-quite-landscape. Adaire walked a few paces ahead of her, and Hella made herself focus on the back of her head, the familiar brown of her hair, instead of the remade world around her. Instead of all of the mistakes she had made.

Adaire glanced back for an instant and caught her eye. She stopped. “You okay?”

No.

“It doesn’t matter,” Hella said. “We need to keep moving.”

Adaire frowned, and for a moment Hella thought she was going to disagree. Part of her _hoped_ she would—it would be so much easier if it was Adaire who insisted they go back to the University and face the mess they had left behind there.

But instead Adaire just nodded, and turned, and continued.

Hella followed her.

1.

Adaire looked down at where the letter sat on the table. “Do you regret leaving?” she said.

“What?” Hella said, glancing up at her from her seated position. “No.”

Adaire stood another moment in silence. Finally, she said, “Why not?”

Hella looked at her. Why not?

Because—

“I mean…” She took a moment to find the words. “I miss Hadrian, yeah. And my other friends. I miss a lot of people who aren’t in my life anymore. But we have this.” She gestured vaguely, indicating the house they were having this conversation in. “And I have you. I have the kids. I have Adelaide.” (She could feel her presence even as she said the name. Never quite there, always within reach.) “That’s enough for me. There was a time when I wouldn’t have thought it could be, but… I think it really it is.” She blinked. “You know?”

Adaire laughed. “Yeah,” she said. “I guess I do know.”


End file.
